The Healing We Never Planned For: Cancer, Connection, and 50 Years of Silence
How Cancer Gave Life And Healing
One of my favs of mom 2024
Here’s the thing. My mom got cancer.
And what followed has been an emotional rollercoaster, not just because of the diagnosis, not just because of the decisions or the radiation schedule or the supplements I scrambled to line up.
But because something else started happening. Something I didn’t see coming…
Things started coming up.
Not planned.
Not rehearsed.
Not talked about for decades.
Things from the past - dark, buried stuff that lives in that part of us we never show anyone. The part that still flinches when you remember a slammed door or the way it felt to never be heard.
That part.
Five weekdays of radiation.
Low-dose. Palliative. We’re still hoping for real healing, because that’s who we are. That’s how we think.
But somewhere in the middle of medical logistics and 0400 supplement planning and me being the nurse I’ve always been - I started seeing things.
Visions. Impressions. Clear images.
Some of them were so detailed, I had to write them down. Some startled me awake. Some felt like memories I hadn’t lived, but somehow I knew they were real.
I kept notes. I wrote it all down. Because what was happening didn’t feel ordinary.
It felt like something sacred was stirring.
And then I made a plan.
A revised, holistic seven-day plan: supplements, herbs, daily support. One day a week, we let the body rest completely. A reset day. Because healing isn’t just doing, it’s knowing when to pause…
I don’t sleep much anyway. But I was up in the wee hours, turning it all over in my head.
Because that’s how I work. I’m a critical thinker, analyst - been solving problems since before puberty. Probably since I was ten.
So I called my mom.
And I took the plan over. Because this isn’t just something I’m doing to her. This is something we’re doing together. She gets to take responsibility for her healing too.
That’s what we’re calling it.
Healing.
No matter what happens - this is healing!
I’m praying for her to stay. I really am.
But that part is not up to me.
We sat together. Talked it through. And then… it happened.
Things came up. Things I hadn’t said since...
Pain. Hurt. Confusion.
Memories that had tried to come up over the years but always ended in slammed doors and broken moments.
But this time? We didn’t shut down. We didn’t explode. We stayed.
We talked about what happened then. What she was going through. What I was going through. The versions of the story we both lived in.
The things we didn’t know the other felt. The ways we didn’t see each other clearly.
And the tears came. Not all at once. Just… gently.
And let me tell you: through all the trauma, the pain, the wreckage… what showed up was LOVE. Not the performative kind. Not the Hallmark card kind.
The real kind. Unconditional. Sacred. Unspoken until now.
We are soulmates, my mom and I.
Not the romantic kind - don’t get weird - but the “been through lifetimes together” kind. We’ve always been close.
But this? This is a closeness neither of us had ever touched.
And I don’t want to lose her. Not now!
Not ever!!!
But that’s not how life works. And somehow, weirdly, it took the cancer - the thing that threatens to take her - to finally open us both to more life than we’ve ever known.
It gave us freedom.
It gave us release.
It gave us back each other.
That’s what’s so wild, isn’t it?
Sometimes the thing that could end it all is actually the thing that lets everything begin.
Before I had any healing in my life, you know what I would’ve said?
Fuck it. I don’t care. I don’t give a damn!
But now?
I’ve worked through too much to numb that out. And if you’re not ready to face something? That’s okay. It’ll come when it’s time.
And when it does? You’ll be able to handle it.
You will!
I don’t know how much time she has…
Hell, I don’t know how much time I have.
Do any of us?
But until that time comes, I’m giving everything I’ve got!
Unconditional Love. Understanding. The nurse I’ve always been for almost 30 years. But now? Finally?
I get to be her daughter 💗
The one I’ve longed to be since I was ten.
What a freaking gift. Right?
What. A. Gift!
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU MOM ♥️♥️♥️
If you’re walking through something similar - if you’re grieving or aching or screaming at the ceiling and wondering why healing feels so damn slow, I hope this helps.
I hope it holds you.
I hope it reminds you:
Healing doesn’t always look like what we expect…
Sometimes, it looks like a conversation you never thought you’d get to have.
And sometimes?
That’s the most sacred healing of all! 🙏
Empowering you to be self-reliant with proven, holistic strategies that target the root cause - not just the symptoms - to transform your energy, clarity, and health. Real solutions, no nonsense, transforming health for you and your family.
Transform To Wellness- Kathleen Thorne RN, LMT (RN3252112/ MA54880)
What a wonderful written piece. Kathleen, I know it's a terrible demanding time for both of you. We spoke about it. And I just wanted to let you know how valuable as a person and healer you are. You helped me more than you know. And I'm grateful to have you as a friend. Thank you and wishing you all the strength you need.
What a beautiful piece Kathleen. I love "sometimes the thing that could end it all is actually the thing that lets everything begin." I honestly believe a disease, an illness and cancer, forces us to heal the parts we are not willing to explore. It is a second chance. I also love you are healing together. Thank you for being so raw, so real.. bless you both