How I Finally Found Coping Skills That Worked - After Years of Making Things Worse
A simple shift that changed everything.
There was a time in my life when I didn’t know how to cope. Not really.
When crisis hit - and it did - hard.
I didn’t reach for breathwork or meditation or any of those healing tools I now swear by.
I reached for the fast stuff.
The numbing stuff.
The things that promised relief and delivered destruction.
For me? That looked like alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Food wasn’t my biggest pull, but it still made appearances.
Back then, I thought I was coping. But really? I was disappearing in plain sight. One drink, one hookup, one more distraction… until the pain stopped knocking.
But here’s the thing no one tells you: the old urges don’t just vanish when you get “better.” They get quiet. They change shape.
They show up in moments of grief, fear, and overwhelm - whispering, “Hey, remember me? I can help.”
And yeah, sometimes I still hear that whisper.
But I don’t follow it anymore.
Now, I do something different. Something real.
I had to.
Because survival got me here… but healing is what’s keeping me going.
So I’m gonna tell you the truth - not just about what I used to do, but what I do now.
And especially… the one thing I avoided the most.
The one that terrified me - and saved me.
Here are the six coping tools I use now:
1. Movement - but not for fitness.
I don’t care if it’s a walk around the block, pacing in my kitchen, or dropping to the floor and shaking like a wild animal.
I move to move the fear out of my body. I move to remind myself I’m still here. Still alive. Still choosing not to check out.
2. Stillness - even when it’s scary.
Sometimes sitting still feels like stepping into fire. But I do it anyway. I breathe with one hand on my chest, the other on my belly.
I remind myself I don’t need to fix anything - just be with it. That kind of stillness is where clarity lives.
3. Rituals.
Not routines. Rituals. Small sacred things I repeat every day to signal safety to my nervous system.
Brewing herbal tea slowly. Turning on my salt lamp. Saying a prayer before I open my inbox. They’re reminders that I have power, even in chaos.
4. Breath and body scans.
I ask, “Where am I holding this?” My gut? My jaw? My back? Then I breathe into that spot like I’m cradling something fragile.
Sometimes it releases. Sometimes it doesn’t. But the act of noticing? That’s what matters most.
5. Music, sound, safe distraction.
Sound helps me stay connected. I’ll play something low - sometimes it’s nature sounds, sometimes a song that makes me cry (because I need to cry).
It shifts the energy. It moves the stuckness. It reminds me I’m not frozen.
6. Connection - the one I avoided the most.
Let me be real. This one? Terrified me.
I was always the one who started the party and shut it down. I had people around me constantly. But none of it felt real.
I was surrounded, but alone. Always the host and never the one who fell apart in front of someone else.
Real connection - the kind that requires you to be seen - used to feel like danger.
But eventually, I broke. And I had to let someone in. Just one person at first. I said, “I’m not okay.” And they stayed. No fixing. No advice. Just presence.
Now, I don’t wait for the breaking point. I choose connection. Even if it’s messy. Even if I have to talk myself into sending the text.
Because I’ve learned this:
You don’t need to be fearless to reach out. You just need to be a little brave in one moment.
Not everyone deserves access to your truth. But someone does.
And that someone can change everything.
The One Point I Want You to Take With You?
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation.
It happens in connection - with your body, your breath, your rituals, and your people.
Choose one today. Then keep choosing…
If this spoke to you…
If you’re somewhere between holding it together and falling apart… I just want you to know - I’ve been there.
I’ve walked through fire.
I have stood in hurricane-force winds.
I have crossed through the dark waters of grief, trauma, and fear.
And I’m still here.
Still getting back up. Still healing. Still learning.
But most importantly? Still helping others do the same.
This is my calling - the thing I do best.
So if you’re ready for more tools, more truth, and more support from someone who’s lived it…
Join me as a paid subscriber.
I’d be honored to help you walk through your fire, too.
Empowering you to be self-reliant with proven, holistic strategies that target the root cause - not just the symptoms - to transform your energy, clarity, and health. Real solutions, no nonsense - transforming health for you and your family.
Transform To Wellness- Kathleen Thorne RN, LMT (RN3252112/ MA54880)
I SO resonate with this! I used to have the same coping tools, plus a few other unhealthy ones, and it wasn't until I got sober that my coping literacy upgraded to the same techniques you are using. I really like the idea of rituals, will have to incorporate more of those. Thanks for sharing!