I am so sorry for your loss Kathleen. My son took his life almost 4 years ago. It was (and remains) a devastating experience. This is an important post, thank you for all the time you have taken to put it together. You have deeply honoured your nephew in doing so. Sending love and hope x
Oh my goodness Esther, I hope it didn't trigger anything, but how could it not? I hope you're doing OK and of course if you need anything at all, please reach out. Blessings to you, my dear 🤗💕🙏
Sheri, I just felt it come up in my spirit to write and I thought it is a sensitive subject, but we have to talk about it more and again if it could help one single person even if it's an uncomfortable topic then it's all worth it
to me if a few get offended, but it saves one well...
41 and a gunshot to the head sounds like stuff of the movies. I'm so sorry this happened.. I'm sorry for your loss. Sending love and strength to the whole family.
He had gone through a lot in just a short period of time he's been on earth with cancer and remission and then back again and just a lot of financial issues because of medical bills and not being able to work and it's just so sad. No warning signs that this was gonna happen at all. It comes to a complete shock. thank God for substack and the support I get here because this is really my family and I appreciate you. Thank you 🥰
I believe you wrote what was meant to be written quite beautifully.
This post turned out decently long but is broken by line breaks. (On my phone it looks long). It's definitely ok to read only what you want!
I have so many thoughts right now and at the same time, I'm not sure what to say. Simply because this is a raw moment in time for you.
I live with mental illness and have somehow managed to survive 5 (at least) suicide attempts. One of them put me in a coma. I lived in such daily turmoil until 5 yrs ago.
Today, I have a pretty happy and serene life I wouldn't trade for nothin'! Not for anyone!!! Ever! The moment I sense my serenity goin' out the window I check in with myself and ask "what's going on right here, right now!?" Many times my gut will let me know what I need to do next.
In case this becomes important in the future
This is what I did that put my life in a positive, healthy direction:
• I put action to a decision and left everyone I knew behind, excluding my parents and best friend of, now, 21+ years and moved back to CA.
• I did plug into NAMI support groups
• I surrounded myself with positive-motivated people only (most through NAMI).
• Once the fog lifted, I began including the practice of mindfulness, meditation and Buddhist readings that helped me process, reprogram, and rediscover myself.
• And, every day (almost), I would stop to smell a rose from my mom's rose bush that you pass coming and going to the front door.
I learned the power of letting go, self-acceptance, appreciating the moment by living in the moment.
thank you for being vulnerable and telling part of your story. mental health is a very important topic and it's part of who we are. It's mind body and spirit- at age 27 I was going through withdrawal from alcohol and drugs, and actually held a gun and pulled the trigger, but it didn't go off and someone walked in my house so I got a second chance. even though I was going through the withdrawal of 13 years of addiction, I never tried that again and haven't thought of it since. Been clean and sober for 37 years now and I'm diagnosed with GAD but it is very well controlled with holistic means and a tiny bit of medication.
The article needed to be written the length that was written because I needed to add resources and they're not only for the person considering it, but also for the family and friends. I needed to include the information for people to reach out if they didn't have that information. it's really important to have somebody to talk to -when we hold it inside and try to do it alone., it's much more difficult and then we isolate and our thoughts can go crazy. We give up ,we don't think there's any hope and ever since that time I've always been positive about never giving up, believing in hope and my life changed drastically. now I'm able to help others. Eric had had cancer in the past that was back-and-forth for a while, medical bills were really bad and he couldn't find work and he did drink some, but he definitely suffered from depression. There were no signs that this was going to take place and he saw the family that night. He had just turned 41.
The things that you say that you do for yourself to help daily and to walk away from what I'm guessing we're toxic friendships or relationships helps. We have to be healthy and surround ourselves with people that are positive and uplifting. I'm not saying people don't have problems, we all do, if someone needs to get help, they need to get help. i'm so happy to hear that you found peace and when things feel off you go inside and ask yourself and the answers come. I do the same. I also believe in God and I ask God to help me because life's not easy, but we need each other to support and talk about these things. Thank you for your time and I appreciate your comment and I think it will help others. God bless you 🙏
First, congrats on your recovery!! Absolutely amazing!
I believe there are quite a few things that can be done daily to promote positive self care and discovery. The one I found most helpful and enjoy most is the support system I have in my life.
You know what stood out to me? The fact you did share what was going on with you! You didn't bottle it up, hit the bottle or do some sort of drug, or anything else self-destructive to escape, avoid, or be numb. You took time and put others first!
I watch people who are going through hardship such as this. Because they show me (hopefully) what to do when and if it becomes my turn to catch life's curveball.
I definitely want us to stay connected. I wouldn't want it any other way!
absolutely and the thing is I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict but it's been 37 years and with everything I've been through in the last 37 years it's been plenty of times and even a time that I actually tried to take my life the same way and it didn't go off so it brought back some stuff, but I was able to work through it and thank God
it's these tools that we learn throughout our lives that we can start applying and that's the thing as application right we can read the books we can go to the courses in the classes and the webinars, but we have to apply it and I think a lot of time just sitting with ourselves and letting it flow through and letting the emotions calm and then of course just started writing last July really for the first time since I was very young girl wrote a few poems I just can't believe the sense of relief it brought me
and then the cherry on top of the sundae was that the community here it's just so supportive and I don't really have much of a family just me and my mom and my stepfather and I take care of them my sisters, the one up in West Virginia and then my other one in Georgia
But using all those tools from the toolbox, whether it's people reading writing going within and letting it flow through us that we need to use every single tool in our toolbox, and this was one of those times
Definitely look forward to chatting more and would love to stay connected 🙏
You are so right about the community here being supportive! It's why I stayed!
I'm glad neither of us were successful in those hellish moments 🤗
I walked away from writing anything meaningful 20 years ago. A bunch of stuff got stirred up when I " opened that old creaky door". Perfectionism, comparisons & inadequacy, fear of judgement, etc. Paralyzed me! I've lived enough to realize it's me getting in my own way.
The past five years have been more than miraculous for me! When the onset of imbalance hit me, from writing, it felt ten times as bad. Before, I just was so used to (almost) always feeling bad. It was normal to me. If I didn't have the foundation I have now I would've, most likely, drowned...a miserable emotional death!
I could feel the "Substack Magic" going all through me during that torture. I'm glad it was there to keep my head above water long enough to get safely to shore! Whew!
And, yes, basically, faith without works is dead! Definitely gotta do the footwork! I don't mind doing it 😁🤘✌️
me either it's totally worth the effort I mean, think of the effort that I don't know what effort you put in, but I know all the effort I put in to do the things that I did and this effort is less dangerous and requires to me less effort, so I'm definitely truly blessed and given a second chance. Well, to be honest, I probably been given 100 million chances.
Kathleen, you are writing from a place of raw truth, and I see the weight of what you are holding. Losing your nephew this way is something no one can prepare for, and yet here you are, putting words to what often remains unspoken. You are not just naming grief—you are making space for it, for yourself, for others who know this kind of loss, and for those who don’t but need to understand.
Your essay is clear, direct, and deeply human. You are not looking away from the hard truths about suicide, its unpredictability, and the questions it leaves behind. You lay out the realities without reducing them to numbers, keeping the focus on the people—those we have lost, those who are struggling, and those left behind. The resources you provide are practical and necessary, yet they never overshadow the heart of what you are sharing: the need for connection, awareness, and open conversation.
There is no fixing grief, and no single answer to why someone makes this choice. And yet, in speaking about it with such honesty, you are offering something real—a way to face it together instead of alone. That matters.
Kathleen, I have been there and live to tell myself. That stays with me, always. And I have lost too many dear ones to me. My partner of 22 years, died exactly 5 years ago. She was 64. Not a suicide, and yet in the end I’d say the psyche has played the bigger part on it.
Jay, I'm sorry for your loss. I have been there too, and I still live to tell about it. It was 37 years ago when I tried something similar and it didn't go off I was coming off of a withdrawal from addiction and it was horrible and I've gotten a second chance so I'm gonna do everything I can to help anybody I can
Kathleen, Thank you for sharing this part of your story. A second chance is no small thing, and the way you’ve chosen to use yours—to help, to speak, to make space for others—is deeply meaningful. We carry what we’ve lived through, and we also shape what comes next. I see that in you. Holding this moment with you. 💙
"If this article can help just one person reach out instead of giving up, then every single word was worth writing."
Thank you, Kathleen, for using your writing muscles to help you through the shock and pain of losing your nephew and yet produce this much-needed article. It is beautifully written and full of valuable resources and sound advice--a bucket of wisdom that can help many people. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and yours, especially your sister.❤🙏❤
you know before I came to Substack and started writing because as you know, I'm not a writer but I'm learning I would've handled it in a different way. I don't know if it would've been as healthy and I'm sure there would've been much anger but this being able to write, I actually didn't feel anger I felt more. I don't even know how to put it into words. I felt a sense of purpose and a sense of relief and a sense of honoring him by helping others if that makes sense.
Katherine my heart breaks for your sister, you and all your family 💔 🥲 Thank you for writing this article 🙏
I to have lost people who died by suicide and loved ones who came close. It's so true that the questions never end.
We have to normalize talking about mental health. People need to know that they are needed and valued here on earth - no matter what else has happened or is happening.
I am so sorry for your loss Kathleen. My son took his life almost 4 years ago. It was (and remains) a devastating experience. This is an important post, thank you for all the time you have taken to put it together. You have deeply honoured your nephew in doing so. Sending love and hope x
Oh my goodness Esther, I hope it didn't trigger anything, but how could it not? I hope you're doing OK and of course if you need anything at all, please reach out. Blessings to you, my dear 🤗💕🙏
Thank you Kathleen x
Very well done, my friend. Can be tremendously helpful for those in need or those who may not understand the various sides of death by suicide. ❤️🩹
None of it was offensive. i have a couple of pieces on suicide on Medium. Yours is much better. Breathe, baby. Breathe.
Sheri, I just felt it come up in my spirit to write and I thought it is a sensitive subject, but we have to talk about it more and again if it could help one single person even if it's an uncomfortable topic then it's all worth it
to me if a few get offended, but it saves one well...
41 and a gunshot to the head sounds like stuff of the movies. I'm so sorry this happened.. I'm sorry for your loss. Sending love and strength to the whole family.
He had gone through a lot in just a short period of time he's been on earth with cancer and remission and then back again and just a lot of financial issues because of medical bills and not being able to work and it's just so sad. No warning signs that this was gonna happen at all. It comes to a complete shock. thank God for substack and the support I get here because this is really my family and I appreciate you. Thank you 🥰
I am so sorry for your loss Kathleen. These statistics are so sad and hard to read. Sending love and hugs to you ❤️🤗
thank you, Sue. I appreciate it.🙏
Thank you!
I believe you wrote what was meant to be written quite beautifully.
This post turned out decently long but is broken by line breaks. (On my phone it looks long). It's definitely ok to read only what you want!
I have so many thoughts right now and at the same time, I'm not sure what to say. Simply because this is a raw moment in time for you.
I live with mental illness and have somehow managed to survive 5 (at least) suicide attempts. One of them put me in a coma. I lived in such daily turmoil until 5 yrs ago.
Today, I have a pretty happy and serene life I wouldn't trade for nothin'! Not for anyone!!! Ever! The moment I sense my serenity goin' out the window I check in with myself and ask "what's going on right here, right now!?" Many times my gut will let me know what I need to do next.
In case this becomes important in the future
This is what I did that put my life in a positive, healthy direction:
• I put action to a decision and left everyone I knew behind, excluding my parents and best friend of, now, 21+ years and moved back to CA.
• I did plug into NAMI support groups
• I surrounded myself with positive-motivated people only (most through NAMI).
• Once the fog lifted, I began including the practice of mindfulness, meditation and Buddhist readings that helped me process, reprogram, and rediscover myself.
• And, every day (almost), I would stop to smell a rose from my mom's rose bush that you pass coming and going to the front door.
I learned the power of letting go, self-acceptance, appreciating the moment by living in the moment.
Again,
thank you...you, too, are loved!
thank you for being vulnerable and telling part of your story. mental health is a very important topic and it's part of who we are. It's mind body and spirit- at age 27 I was going through withdrawal from alcohol and drugs, and actually held a gun and pulled the trigger, but it didn't go off and someone walked in my house so I got a second chance. even though I was going through the withdrawal of 13 years of addiction, I never tried that again and haven't thought of it since. Been clean and sober for 37 years now and I'm diagnosed with GAD but it is very well controlled with holistic means and a tiny bit of medication.
The article needed to be written the length that was written because I needed to add resources and they're not only for the person considering it, but also for the family and friends. I needed to include the information for people to reach out if they didn't have that information. it's really important to have somebody to talk to -when we hold it inside and try to do it alone., it's much more difficult and then we isolate and our thoughts can go crazy. We give up ,we don't think there's any hope and ever since that time I've always been positive about never giving up, believing in hope and my life changed drastically. now I'm able to help others. Eric had had cancer in the past that was back-and-forth for a while, medical bills were really bad and he couldn't find work and he did drink some, but he definitely suffered from depression. There were no signs that this was going to take place and he saw the family that night. He had just turned 41.
The things that you say that you do for yourself to help daily and to walk away from what I'm guessing we're toxic friendships or relationships helps. We have to be healthy and surround ourselves with people that are positive and uplifting. I'm not saying people don't have problems, we all do, if someone needs to get help, they need to get help. i'm so happy to hear that you found peace and when things feel off you go inside and ask yourself and the answers come. I do the same. I also believe in God and I ask God to help me because life's not easy, but we need each other to support and talk about these things. Thank you for your time and I appreciate your comment and I think it will help others. God bless you 🙏
First, congrats on your recovery!! Absolutely amazing!
I believe there are quite a few things that can be done daily to promote positive self care and discovery. The one I found most helpful and enjoy most is the support system I have in my life.
You know what stood out to me? The fact you did share what was going on with you! You didn't bottle it up, hit the bottle or do some sort of drug, or anything else self-destructive to escape, avoid, or be numb. You took time and put others first!
I watch people who are going through hardship such as this. Because they show me (hopefully) what to do when and if it becomes my turn to catch life's curveball.
I definitely want us to stay connected. I wouldn't want it any other way!
Take care of you! 🤗
absolutely and the thing is I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict but it's been 37 years and with everything I've been through in the last 37 years it's been plenty of times and even a time that I actually tried to take my life the same way and it didn't go off so it brought back some stuff, but I was able to work through it and thank God
it's these tools that we learn throughout our lives that we can start applying and that's the thing as application right we can read the books we can go to the courses in the classes and the webinars, but we have to apply it and I think a lot of time just sitting with ourselves and letting it flow through and letting the emotions calm and then of course just started writing last July really for the first time since I was very young girl wrote a few poems I just can't believe the sense of relief it brought me
and then the cherry on top of the sundae was that the community here it's just so supportive and I don't really have much of a family just me and my mom and my stepfather and I take care of them my sisters, the one up in West Virginia and then my other one in Georgia
But using all those tools from the toolbox, whether it's people reading writing going within and letting it flow through us that we need to use every single tool in our toolbox, and this was one of those times
Definitely look forward to chatting more and would love to stay connected 🙏
You are so right about the community here being supportive! It's why I stayed!
I'm glad neither of us were successful in those hellish moments 🤗
I walked away from writing anything meaningful 20 years ago. A bunch of stuff got stirred up when I " opened that old creaky door". Perfectionism, comparisons & inadequacy, fear of judgement, etc. Paralyzed me! I've lived enough to realize it's me getting in my own way.
The past five years have been more than miraculous for me! When the onset of imbalance hit me, from writing, it felt ten times as bad. Before, I just was so used to (almost) always feeling bad. It was normal to me. If I didn't have the foundation I have now I would've, most likely, drowned...a miserable emotional death!
I could feel the "Substack Magic" going all through me during that torture. I'm glad it was there to keep my head above water long enough to get safely to shore! Whew!
And, yes, basically, faith without works is dead! Definitely gotta do the footwork! I don't mind doing it 😁🤘✌️
me either it's totally worth the effort I mean, think of the effort that I don't know what effort you put in, but I know all the effort I put in to do the things that I did and this effort is less dangerous and requires to me less effort, so I'm definitely truly blessed and given a second chance. Well, to be honest, I probably been given 100 million chances.
Thank you for sharing.
Kathleen, you are writing from a place of raw truth, and I see the weight of what you are holding. Losing your nephew this way is something no one can prepare for, and yet here you are, putting words to what often remains unspoken. You are not just naming grief—you are making space for it, for yourself, for others who know this kind of loss, and for those who don’t but need to understand.
Your essay is clear, direct, and deeply human. You are not looking away from the hard truths about suicide, its unpredictability, and the questions it leaves behind. You lay out the realities without reducing them to numbers, keeping the focus on the people—those we have lost, those who are struggling, and those left behind. The resources you provide are practical and necessary, yet they never overshadow the heart of what you are sharing: the need for connection, awareness, and open conversation.
There is no fixing grief, and no single answer to why someone makes this choice. And yet, in speaking about it with such honesty, you are offering something real—a way to face it together instead of alone. That matters.
Jay as I said in the comment when you re-stacked, and thank you for that, is this:
thank you for touching my heart 🙏. Your words are comforting, and just knowing that it resonates with anybody, somebody means the world to me 💯
Kathleen, I have been there and live to tell myself. That stays with me, always. And I have lost too many dear ones to me. My partner of 22 years, died exactly 5 years ago. She was 64. Not a suicide, and yet in the end I’d say the psyche has played the bigger part on it.
Jay, I'm sorry for your loss. I have been there too, and I still live to tell about it. It was 37 years ago when I tried something similar and it didn't go off I was coming off of a withdrawal from addiction and it was horrible and I've gotten a second chance so I'm gonna do everything I can to help anybody I can
Kathleen, Thank you for sharing this part of your story. A second chance is no small thing, and the way you’ve chosen to use yours—to help, to speak, to make space for others—is deeply meaningful. We carry what we’ve lived through, and we also shape what comes next. I see that in you. Holding this moment with you. 💙
thank you, Jay 🙏
"If this article can help just one person reach out instead of giving up, then every single word was worth writing."
Thank you, Kathleen, for using your writing muscles to help you through the shock and pain of losing your nephew and yet produce this much-needed article. It is beautifully written and full of valuable resources and sound advice--a bucket of wisdom that can help many people. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and yours, especially your sister.❤🙏❤
you know before I came to Substack and started writing because as you know, I'm not a writer but I'm learning I would've handled it in a different way. I don't know if it would've been as healthy and I'm sure there would've been much anger but this being able to write, I actually didn't feel anger I felt more. I don't even know how to put it into words. I felt a sense of purpose and a sense of relief and a sense of honoring him by helping others if that makes sense.
Katherine my heart breaks for your sister, you and all your family 💔 🥲 Thank you for writing this article 🙏
I to have lost people who died by suicide and loved ones who came close. It's so true that the questions never end.
We have to normalize talking about mental health. People need to know that they are needed and valued here on earth - no matter what else has happened or is happening.
Biggest hugs and love ❤️