Revenge Won’t Free You—But Forgiveness Will (It’s More Powerful Than You Think)
Unforgiveness: The Poison We Keep Drinking
Forgiveness isn’t letting them win- it’s taking your power back. Here’s how letting go frees you, heals you, and puts you back in control.
Alright, let’s get real.
Unforgiveness? It’s the slowest and most self-destructive form of suffering. It’s like taking a shot of poison every morning and waiting for them to keel over.
Guess what? They won’t.
Meanwhile, you’re stuck with the side effects- stress, anxiety, resentment- while they’re out there living their best life, probably completely unaware that you’re still fuming.
That’s the thing about holding onto anger. It feels like control, but in reality? It’s running you. Your emotions. Your health. Your relationships.
And worst of all? It changes nothing about the person who hurt you.
So… how long do you wanna keep drinking the poison?
Let’s talk about it.
The Biochemistry of Bitterness
Unforgiveness isn’t just an emotional wound- it’s a full-body assault on your health. When you hold onto resentment, your body thinks it’s in danger.
It kicks into fight-or-flight mode, flooding you with cortisol and adrenaline- stress hormones meant to help you outrun tigers, not hold grudges.
What happens next?
Your blood pressure goes up
Your immune system gets weaker
Your digestion takes a hit
Your risk of heart disease and chronic pain increases
Fun, right?
A Harvard study found that holding onto anger and resentment raises anxiety and depression levels- like, a lot!
Translation? The longer you hold onto bitterness, the longer it holds onto you.
The Mental Toll: Living Rent-Free in Your Head
Ever notice how the person you refuse to forgive… isn’t actually suffering?
They’re out there minding their business, living their life, probably not even thinking about you- while you’re replaying the betrayal like it’s your favorite Netflix series.
That’s because unforgiveness hijacks your mental space. It keeps your brain on high alert, fueling:
Anxiety (hello, racing thoughts at 2 AM)
Depression (because anger, when stuck, turns inward)
Brain fog and fatigue (your brain is exhausted from carrying this weight)
A study in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that unforgiveness triggers chronic stress responses, keeping your nervous system on edge and making everything- yes, everything- feel heavier.
Bottom line? Unforgiveness isn’t protecting you- it’s robbing you.
The Relationship Killer: How Unforgiveness Spreads
Here’s the truth: unforgiveness does not stay contained.
The walls you build to keep out the person who hurt you? They don’t just block them- they block everyone.
You become guarded in new relationships
You expect betrayal before it happens
You hold grudges longer than you should
You push people away, even when they mean well
Pain has a way of bleeding into places it doesn’t belong.
A Harvard Health study found that people who forgive experience better mental health, stronger relationships, and overall life satisfaction.
Translation? Holding onto resentment doesn’t just hurt your past- it hurts your future, too.
So, What’s the Alternative?
Before we go any further, let’s clear something up:
Forgiveness is NOT approval.
It doesn’t mean what happened was okay.
It doesn’t mean you’re letting them off the hook.
It doesn’t even mean you have to tell them you forgive them.
Forgiveness is for YOU.
It’s you saying, I refuse to let this thing control me anymore.
So, where do you even start?
5 Steps to Letting Go (Without Feeling Fake About It)
1. Acknowledge the Pain – Stop pretending you’re over it when you’re not. Name the hurt. Feel it.
2. Decide to Let Go – Not because they deserve it. But because you do.
3. Reframe the Story – Can you take meaning from this? Did it teach you something?
4. Cut the Cord – Whether it’s therapy, journaling, or throwing darts at a picture of them (kidding… maybe), find a way to process and release it.
5. Reclaim Your Power – You are not the sum of what hurt you. Move forward like the badass you are.
Uncommon Ways to Foster Forgiveness (That Actually Work)
• Role-Playing the Offender’s Perspective – No, not to justify them, but to understand how deeply flawed and human they are.
• Radical Forgiveness – Forgiving the person and the situation, without waiting for an apology. (This one’s next-level, but powerful!)
• The REACH Model – A proven forgiveness process. Let’s break it down…
The REACH Model: A Step-by-Step Forgiveness Hack
Developed by Dr. Everett Worthington, this method is scientifically proven to help people let go faster and more effectively.
R – Recall the Hurt – Don’t sugarcoat it. Be honest about the pain.
E – Empathize – Try to understand why they did what they did (without excusing it).
A – Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness – Forgive as a gift to yourself, not because they deserve it.
C – Commit to Forgiveness – Write it down. Say it out loud. Make it real.
H – Hold Onto Forgiveness – When the anger creeps back in (because it will), remind yourself why you let it go.
Look. I know forgiving isn’t easy.
I know the pain feels justified.
But the truth is, unforgiveness keeps you shackled to the past. And every single day you hold onto it? That’s one more day you let the person who hurt you win.
Forgiveness? That’s your power move.
And science backs this up- research from Johns Hopkins found that forgiveness reduces heart attack risk, improves sleep, lowers anxiety, and even decreases chronic pain.
So the real question isn’t, why should I forgive?
It’s… how much longer do I want to keep suffering?
Your move…
Before You Go… Let’s Talk About Courage
Forgiveness isn’t just a decision. It’s a process. A messy, sometimes painful, often uncomfortable process. But you know what else it is?
Liberating.
So here’s my challenge for you… literally.
🚀 Starting tomorrow 🚀
The Five-Day Forgiveness Challenge: Release the Past, and Find Peace
5 days, 5 steps, one powerful shift.
A chance to let go of what’s been weighing you down.
An opportunity to reclaim your peace, your power, and maybe… a little more joy.
No fluff.
No vague “just move on” nonsense. Just real, actionable steps to help you finally stop carrying the past like a backpack full of bricks.
Are you in? Because this might just change your life.
See you tomorrow!
Want to heal on a deeper level?
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I’m a holistic nurse who’s lived through pain, grief, trauma, anxiety & depression and healed naturally.
I’ll ask the right questions, get to the root cause, and guide you to real transformation.
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Transform To Wellness- Kathleen Thorne RN, LMT (RN3252112/ MA54880)
I love this: "Forgiveness is for YOU. It’s you saying I refuse to let this thing control me anymore." In our house, we say, "Don't give it your power"--the same gist, I believe. Without spending tons of money on therapy and Kleenex, this article will be a jackpot for some readers. Great job, Kathleen.
This resonated with me on such a deep level. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened—it’s about freeing ourselves from the weight of resentment. Holding onto anger only ties us to the past, but choosing to forgive allows us to reclaim our peace. Thank you for this powerful reminder!